The 5 of Wands shows a woman surrounded by disapproving male figures.  She appears to be at work, a laptop is open on the desk in front of her, and she seems to be disagreeing with the men.  In fact she almost seems to be scolding them.  She does not seem intimidating but perhaps exasperated.  This argument has gone round in circles several times already.  She is telling me that I need to let go of this repeating cycle of disapproval and disagreement.  In my case the people I battle are my own inner critics.  It’s not an external struggle but one within myself.  It’s pointless, self-defeating and relentless.  Instead of taking care of myself I’m undermining myself.

The 4 of Swords is telling me to chill out, relax, blow some bubbles (I love blowing bubbles!).  I love this image.  Rather than the harried overworked career woman of the 5 of Wands, this card shows a woman who goes at her own pace, stops and smells the roses and just enjoys the ride.  It’s been so long since I’ve approached life this way that it seems exotic.

The message this two cards give me is that I need to stop beating myself up, let go of the pointless struggle and just relax.  I need to find ways to have fun even if it’s only for 10 minutes a day.  I need to blow some bubbles and use my crayons.  It’s time for me to “don’t worry that it’s not good enough for anyone else to hear, just sing, sing a  song” as Karen Carpenter once sang.  I’ve taken to reading SARK’s books again to reconnect with that child-like, fun side of myself.

I’m going to start doing morning pages again and playing with my crayons, colored pencils and coloring books.  I miss them and used to lose myself in coloring.  It’s time to get back to that again.