Lack of focus and insight – that’s why I’m confused. My energy stores are depleted and my concentration is almost non-existent. With the situation surrounding me, focusing or concentrating on any task are absolute luxuries. I feel as though I’m developing attention deficit disorder because my attention span has become nonexistent. If I can focus on a book long enough to read a chapter it’s a minor miracle.
I’m beginning to realize that some of this confusion and lack of focus is circumstantial and not due to any innate character traits. My life is not conducive to focus or concentration right now. Things may change in the future but as things stand right now I’m fighting against the prevailing current. It’s frustrating but I need to be more flexible about this. It would seem that now is just not the time to focus on personal projects no matter how much I’d love to start.
I think the Queen of Chalices is telling me that I need to comfort myself right now. I need to give myself the same support and acceptance I would give a friend going through similar experiences. I think we all tend to be much harsher and more judgmental with ourselves in situations like this. Those inner critics that lie in wait to shred our self-confidence thrive on moments like this. Instead of feeding that energy I need to embrace myself and say all those kind, comforting things I’d tell a dear friend.
I don’t think I’m confused as much as I am exhausted and depleted. I’m confusing being warn out with being confused. I can’t focus on building a new career because I am up to my neck in my current career. Perhaps it’s not a paying job but caring for my in-laws is no less demanding, draining and time consuming. It’s time to stop fighting the current and go with the flow, even if that flow is taking me in a direction different from the one I would have chosen.