Oh goody, two reversed cards.  I just love reversals.  Actually, all snarkiness aside, this makes perfect sense in terms of the question and the issue I’ve been visiting this week.  While discussing my reading on Monday with a friend she posed the question I’m using today.  She pointed out that we often repeat behavioral patterns we learned in childhood and from our families even when they’ve ceased to be useful.  In my family financial stability was an illusion for most of my childhood.  My parents were perpetually broke which resulted in a lot of change and upheaval.  At the same time there was a small core of stability in my life because we always moved around in the same neighborhood and my maternal grandmother was always part of my childhood.  This created a situation in me that means I’m uncomfortable with stability because I’ve never known it; it’s uncharted territory for me.

As my friend pointed out, I tend to thrive in chaos.  I perform well under pressure.  In fact I spent most of my academic career function that way.  I regularly waited until the last minute to complete assignments and received great grades.  As a result I never felt the need to learn effective time management skills or become more organized.  Now I’m starting to realize that if I want to be a successful entrepreneur I’m going to need to acquire just these skills.

The Goddess (Empress) reversed is reminding me that abundance and prosperity were scarce in my childhood.  As a result I’m not fully sure how to manage them.  This results in situations where I either overspend while I have money or am not able to effectively budget when things are tight.  I end up finding myself in stressful and chaotic situations.  In the past this has been annoying but not created serious problems.  Now that is no longer the case.

Omens/Warnings (The Tower) reversed is telling me I haven’t fully dealt with some of the fallout from our changed circumstances.  I am able to deal with the craziness that results from caring for the in-laws (once again thriving in chaos) but long-term planning and financial stability are just not a focus right now and they need to be.  We’re so busy acting on what’s going on today that we aren’t planning for tomorrow.  We’ve also learned that several of the plans we had made are no longer feasible.  We haven’t fully dealt with those changes either.  It’s as though the lightning has hit the tree and a huge branch that is now broken hangs over my house but I don’t see the urgency in removing it.  That’s just short-sighted and irresponsible.  It’s also another pattern I learned in childhood.  I had so little control over the craziness around me that I just gave up (in certain areas).  I focused on what I could control and excelled in school and other arenas.

So now that I can see these lingering childhood patterns my next step is to change them.  I just need to take some baby steps so that I can gain some mastery over this area.  Towards that end I’m reading about time management and making some efforts to actually implement them in my life.  I doubt it will be easy but at least I’m learning.