What undermines my healing? – Shadow of Disks + The Tower R (Crone)

Tarot of the Crone Shadow of Disks Tarot of the Crone Tower

I’m stuck in a barren, lifeless place; a monotonous and colorless landscape.  I feel as though all the juice has been sucked out of my life.  I am alone, isolated and dried up.  No water or vegetation is visible.  Yeah, I think that pretty much sums up how I feel about my life right now.  It’s a sun-bleached desert; a beige and barren wasteland.  And yet when I look closer there is some life visible.  An ant and spider manage to survive in this sere environment.  They remind me that there is always a way to survive and perhaps even thrive no matter how empty things may seem.

The Tower just pulses with energy – rage, anger, fury, call it what you want it reaches out of the card and slaps you in the face.  Looking at this card I’m reminded of the character Magdalene Sanger in a romance novel called A.K.A. Goddess.  Maggi is the latest in a long line of Grail Keepers dedicated to recovering and protecting the various grails that emerge throughout history.  At one point in the book she becomes furious about a situation releases a “Melusine scream” – a cry of rage, betrayal and unearthly power.  That is what I see when I look at this card.  It is the shriek that shatters reality as you know it.

In this case I think this shattered mask offers me a two-folk message.  On the one hand this is the Universe or perhaps The Morrigan shrieking at me in a raven’s caw telling me to cut the shit.  It’s time to face facts – I know the answer to this question but I’m not fully embracing it.  This image is also me.  It telling me that when I have decided enough is enough I have the power and ability to shatter the behaviors and attitudes that are preventing me from being as healthy as I can.  I can break free of those patterns and change them.  All I have to do is decide that I’ve had enough.

If I find myself trapped in a wasteland it’s because that’s all I’m allowing myself to see.  If I want to leave that landscape then I need to shatter the false beliefs and lazy habits that have caused me wander her in the first place.  It’s fairly simple to understand but not so easy to implement.

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