Today I need to focus on the choices I’m making and how it impacts my energy and creativity.  It’s interesting to use this deck for this process because the Wands suit is associated with the lemures – the spirits of the restless, vengeful or malignant dead.  That doesn’t sound fun or enjoyable and at first it left me a bit stumped.  Then I thought about it a bit more and realized that creative energy can seem frightening.  It leaves us feeling charged and fiery but if we don’t have a sense of direction for that energy it can turn on us.  It can leave us feeling burnt out and frustrated.  That sounds the way I would expect a restless spirit to feel and certain could become malignant if it lingers too long.

So looking at these two cards today I see that I need to be more gentle with regards to the choices I make (the goddess hovering in the air above the lovers reminds me of Kwan Yin, a gentle, loving goddess).  I think it’s also reminding me that I need to find a way to live with the choices I’ve made without losing my creative energy and becoming a malignant spirit myself.

The key is accepting that I did make this choices.  I could have made other ones and my path would have taken me to a very different destination.  However I don’t know if I would have been happy with the person I became once I reached that destination.  I could have refused to help care for my in-laws; insisted that they be placed in facilities.  I could have refused to participate in caring for them and let my husband deal with it on his own.  I could have made several different decisions that would have dramatically changed this situation but would I still be me?  (Well of course I would be it would be a very different me.)

I seem to keep receiving this message (in slightly different forms) because I need to be reminded of this fact.  I don’t regret my decisions but I am human.  Sometimes I wish things turned out differently.  I wish I had more patience and different resent some of the sacrifices I’ve made.  I wish I could return to the lifestyle I had before – with the ability to splurge occasionally without worrying about the finances.  However at the end of the day I am happy with the choices I’ve made.

The key for me to stay healthy in body, mind & spirit is to remember that I need to find healthy outlets for my creative energy, my fiery nature and my restless spirit.  That is what can trip me up and lead me to becoming malignant and vengeful (or perhaps resentful and miserable).  Some days I’m better at this than others but I have to remember to keep up the fight.  I can’t allow circumstances to dampen my flame (or rather allow myself to douse my creative energy because of these circumstances).