This is the second day in a row that I drew two Majors for my daily reading. Today’s pairing is The Chariot crossed by The Devil reversed. Quite powerful cards and a potentially powerful message. My initial sense is that I want to steer the course of my own life and take a more guided and directed approach to things but I’m blocked by my own inner demons and addictions.

I don’t want to make addictions sound worse than it is – my addictions are basically laziness (sloth), and food. I have health issues that would make following a grain-free, sugar-free diet an excellent idea but I’m sometimes I take the easy way out and just eat what’s available. If I’m addicted to anything it’s chocolate and sweets. Once again, not a great choice. I know these things and yet I find it difficult to pick up the reins and steer my path into a healthier direction.

I think this reading is also showing that I may need to have some faith that I will begin moving in the right direction once again but not until the dark shadows have cleared and the dark side has been defeated. I’m not trying to make this sound like a Star Wars movie but I think the dark shadows that are hovering over my life right now and proving to be an obstacle are the in-laws. They are not intentionally blocking me but their needs come before my own right now.

On another level I feel that The Chariot is pointing out that I also need to learn to be more in control of my emotions. This is not a time to go off the deep end and wallow in my own misery. That would indeed be allowing my shadow side or inner demons to win. It would also turn me into a raving lunatic within a few days.

The lesson for me right now is to take steps to control those aspects of my life that I can control. I don’t need to give in to sloth or despair. Allowing my health to deteriorate is ridiculous, pointless and stupid. I know that in my brain but my will doesn’t seem to follow suit. Of course I’ve gotten this message in one variant or another several times over the last few months. What I need to do is develop a strategy for actually doing it rather than writing about it.

If I keep steering myself back into my shadow side, my addictive nature, then I’ll never make progress.  I’ll simply end up undermining my efforts which is rather silly.  What makes it even sadder is that many times I don’t even enjoy the junk and sweets I eat.  It’s simply become a bad habit and a rut into which I’ve fallen.  I can break free of these patterns if I focus and make sure I have some type of support network to encourage me.