A time of rest and restoration – at least I hope that’s what the 4 of Swords is representing for me right now. I think it also reflects the fact that the mom-in-law had to be taken to the hospital last night. Apparently she has an infection and some other relatively minor issues (at least we hope that’s all it is) but she’s very agitated and resistant and confused so we couldn’t handle things here. Maybe a day or so will be better for all of us. Of course our bigger fear is that some bureaucrat will decide that she can’t be released unless she has 24 hour care. Of course that’s easy for a third party to decide but implementing it is much more difficult when medical insurance won’t cover it and we can’t afford it. It’s so sad that aging in American can be such a traumatic and sucky experience for so many. Then again so can having any kind of health problems without any medical insurance.
The Prince of Swords – that radiant, brilliant soul who rides in and cut through the bullshit offers some hope. Is it me? Is it the hubby? Perhaps it reflects qualities we will both need to have in order to handle the paperwork, repetitious and pointless questions and bureaucratic bullshit that hospital visits seem to produce. He is letting us know to be sharp, calm, collected and smart. Don’t let emotions push us into anger. He is letting us know that wits and words are the key to making this process as painless as possible. He’s also letting us know that we shouldn’t be too passive either. We need to stay focused and persistent to make sure we get the information we need and she gets the treatment she needs.
It’s funny but I miss her. I miss the silly smiles and kisses she gives us when she’s happy; the dancing she starts to do when we try to get her to exercise. It is easier not needing to deal with the day to day minutiae of caring for her but at the same time I want her home. I want her surrounded by people who love her and familiar things. I keep visualizing her in her hospital bed looking frail and feeling frightened. At least here we can make sure her needs are being met. Hospital staff might mean well but they don’t have the time or resources to care for her the way we can.