Happy family versus juggling – ah the joy. This makes total sense today. The Secret Forest 10 of Pentacles shows a tree limb full of branches that has 3 large pieces of fruit hanging from one branch. They represent the new growth from the ancient tree; the future that is built upon the past. In my life right now I am the one tending this tree. I may not be the new growth anymore but I’m the one who cares for the memories, prunes the branches and gives the tree food and water. I’m the one who remembers when the new growth appeared and feel rotting to the ground.
Right now I’m bearing this weight and trying to balance it with my own life and interests. I haven’t quite achieved that yet. My stuff is supplemental, secondary. A few weeks ago Joanna Powell Colbert wrote about having to slow down to be on a dying friend’s time and that describes how I feel too. I’m not on my own schedule, I’m on my mother-in-law’s. No matter how much I try to rush things I am brought up short by her. She is on her own schedule, in her own time and no matter how much I try to rush things or speed them along I can’t. I need to slow myself to her pace; to stop thinking I can control this situation or make it meet my standards. It just doesn’t work and ends up frustrating all of us.
I think my challenge in this situation is to find other ways of creating balance and regaining some equilibrium in my life. I don’t want to lose myself. I’m the only one who can stop that from happening.
I love this card, it’s one of my favourites in this deck. The Osho Zen and Wheel of Change decks have cards that are reminiscent of this too. Something about trees and fruit that is very safe and beautiful maybe?
I see from reading here that your frantic overwhelmed state over the issue of being a care-giver has morphed into a greater acceptance and coping ability. I imagine it’s still a huge challenge but somewhere along the way Debbie, you are doing better–I am glad to see that.
Thanks for the atta girls Judy. It is still stressful but I find it becomes a bit easier to deal with when I stop trying to force things to fit my time frame and my expectations. As frustrating as it can be, I have to accept that time flows along at her pace and according to her needs. I also realize there is only so much I can do. I can’t make it all better. I can’t heal or fix things. All I can do is try to make it as easy for her as possible. Not entirely in tune with my usual nature but I’m learning.