In my secret garden I am the one in charge

Dance of Life PatriarchTarot of the Secret Forest Queen of Wands

Two reversed cards today – I’m taking that to mean the issues they address require me to focus within myself and to unblock some areas of my life.

The Patriarch (aka The Emperor) is a card of authority, stability, structure; a builder of empire.  I have always had my issues with authority, some of which have proven detrimental to my former career.  I think they stem from my conflicted, convoluted relationship with my father.  I loved him but we clashed, fought and had periods of estrangement.  There were times when I genuinely hated him.  He loved me but he was one of the most immature, abusive, insecure and manipulative man who left a lot to be desired as a father.  However my goal is not to go off on a tangent about authority figures and father issues.  I merely point it out as a reference point for my challenges when dealing with the energies of The Patriarch.

For many years I viewed The Patriarch through a very specific lens and (very much a feminist, anti-patriarchal one).  However I have come to appreciate the gifts and strengths he offers and realize that acknowledging the benefits of The Patriarch in no way implies he is better or stronger than the Dancer of Life (Empress).  It’s about balance and using the right tool for the right job.  In this case I think he’s reminding m e that I am the one in control of my life; I’m the authority who determines what I do and how.

The Queen of Wands projects an aura of strength, confidence and ease with herself.  She seems at home in her own skin and doesn’t seek anyone else’s approval.  She is her own woman but is not off-putting or arrogant.  Her solitude is a matter of choice not because she has been isolated by others.  At the same time I get the sense that this solitude is not necessarily one she appreciates.  She wants to be a social butterfly but that’s just not possible at this time.  Of course I’m projecting.  What I’m really describing is how I feel right now.  I’ve always felt an affinity for the Queen of Wands.  She is probably my favorite court card and definitely my favorite Queen.

The Queen of Wands always struck me as fiercely independent, almost feral.  She may have a mate but that is through her own choice and determination.  She is not easily wooed or trapped but once she finds her partner she is loyal and faithful.  Naturally I feel that this describes me too.  And right now I’m feeling the urgent need to be a social butterfly.  I miss being able to socialize at will.  I miss having the time to hang in a bar and chat with friends.  I miss being able to just go off by myself and have time to think deep thoughts (or even shallow ones).

These cards actually do reinforce yesterday’s message.  The Patriarch reiterates that although I may not being able to control things in my life now, I am the master of my life.  Instead of running free, I have chosen to become the stable and solid foundation for someone else.  I am the rock upon which their days now revolve.  The reversed Queen of Wands reminds me that even though I can’t spread my wings and be the social butterfly right now, her energy is still in my life.  I can still find ways to be creative, spread my wings and soar in new arenas and explore new ways to fulfill my need for solitude to recharge the batteries.  She is the light of hope in what can be a relentlessly gloomy experience.  Of course whether I choose to focus on the gloom or the fiery glow is up to me.  I’ll take the glow every time.

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