A d’oh-piphany!

Okay, so it’s a bit corny – a d’oh-piphany (it’s a combination of a Homer Simpson “D’oh!” moment and an epiphany), but it is accurate.  While I was pondering my card of the day for yesterday some new ideas flashed in the brain cells.

Wow, sometimes I am so dense! How could I have missed the deeper meaning of this card. It’s not as much about addictions as it is about being bound by my own perceptions. I realized this on Friday when I was at a farmers market with a friend. She was talking to a local politician and shared information about an upcoming psychic fair she had organized. The politician actually lives in the same town as the mom-in-law and rather than chat with her or say anything to her, my brain insisted “I don’t like politicians anyway.” That is what binds me and holds me hostage – my own preconceived notions about things.

There is a wonderful line in Tim Burton’s Sleepy Hollow given by Johnny Depp. After being accused by his new assistant, young Masbath, of being “bewitched by reason”, he responds “I am beaten down by it.” I know how he feels. That describes my reaction to logic and holding on to the past and certain preconceived notions. If I change my mind about things then I’m admitting I am wrong. I hate doing that!

However it makes perfect sense that my wisdom lies in forcing myself to change this pattern; to move beyond it and allow myself to be more open and less judgmental. I know that it’s a defense mechanism. I prefer to be cautious with people at first, even sharp (think the 7 of Wands here) and after I’ve tested the waters a bit, I’ll be more trusting. I suppose at heart I operate from the assumption that everyone is seeking to hurt me. If I go into it with that hypothesis, I often find evidence to support it. That doesn’t tend to lead to long term friendships. Sometimes I feel like Sleeping Beauty – surrounded by a hedge of thorns that most folks don’t want to bother fighting in order to get to the core of me. I really don’t blame them. However I know this tendency and now I need to start working on changing it.

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