Where am I wounded? 2 of Pentacles R (Bohemian Gothic & Vampire)

 

Being a perpetual smart ass by nature, my first instinct when I saw the Bohemian Gothic 2 of Pentacles reversed appear in answer to this query was “So I’m wounded in my bicycle?  Or maybe in my ass?”  Sometimes I just can’t help myself.  Once I get it out of my system, I hope to attain a deeper understanding and perspective on this card’s meaning in response to my question.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.  And sometimes I grow frustrated with my inability to draw practical, clear answers from the cards.  Of course I suppose this is partly the nature of the cards and partly their response to my own smart aleck tendencies.  Ya gotta love an oracle that can be snarky with you.

Bicycles have an odd place in my life.  Very much like cars, I know how to ride a bicycle but my own fears and lack of self-confidence about my abilities kept me from doing so as often as I might have liked.  I can provide 1,001 logical, practical reasons for this (I grew up in NYC so riding a bike in traffic could be life threatening, etc.) but the bottom line is that my own fears held me prisoner.  They were in the driver’s seat.  I am wounded in my self-confidence; my ego if you will.  This may shock some of the folks who know me because I can come across as quite confident, bombastic even.  And what it all boils down to is that I often feel like “sound and fury signifying nothing” to quote the Bard.  It’s a shitty feeling and one I prefer not to address.  Which is of course why the Universe threw this Tarot card in my path.

At it’s core, this same self-doubt and lack of confidence is what holds me back in my work with Tarot.  I’m confident enough when working out my own stuff but very hesitant to trust my instincts when working with others.  What if I’m wrong?  What if I sound stupid?  What if they feel I’ve cheated them?  All these thoughts gallop through my brain with every reading I do.  It can be crippling if I let it.  Much like any child who falls off a bike is told, I need to get back on and try again.  I can’t let these fears and insecurities deprive me of enjoying my skills and talents (not to mention depriving the world of my unique interpretation of the Universe through Tarot ;D)

The Vampire Tarot’s 2 of Garlic Flowers shows a snake wound around two garlic flowers before swallowing its own tail.  A combination of an ouroboros and a lemniscate; two powerful symbols for eternity.  At it’s core, that’s another important aspect of this situation for me.  If I don’t take steps to change this situation and overcome my fears (get back on that bike and ride it after falling off), I’ll be stuck in this pattern for the rest of my life.  To paraphrase Daffy Duck, “what a revolting development that would be.”  Or maybe it’s simply telling me to stop swallowing my own bullshit.  Either way the message would be appropriate.  Once again the Tarot’s message to me is one I know but have chosen to ignore.  I hate when it does that!

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