What is coming into being in my life right now? Judgment R (Bohemian Gothic & Vampire)


Traditionally Judgment represents a time of returning to the light after experiencing the darkness. It is a card of rebirth, renewal and rejuvenation; of healing and transformation. It can also be seen as a wake-up call telling us that our perspective on life is about to change and wake us up to new ways of looking at things. It may represent experiencing natural growth and maturation; an old phase of your life ending because you are ready and mature enough to move forward. Things are maturing at their natural pace and now you are transitioning into a new phase of your life so it’s time to celebrate.

“Anger at being forced to change your life totally. Clinging to old ways though better things are on offer. Being dragged “kicking and screaming” to starting anew. A forced move or even an emigration that isn’t desired.” – Bohemian Gothic LWB

Yeah, I think this about sums it up – being forced into changes with which I’m not thrilled’ being dragged “kicking and screaming” to starting anew. I’ve never been a big fan of change – I’m a fixed sun sign and that apparently manifests itself in my day to day life. I also dislike the feeling of not being in control of things, even when I know intellectually that it’s inevitable. Stubborn is probably quite an accurate description of my personality in this area.

I am trying to find the positive aspects of these changes but the most challenging part is the lack of free time; of me time. Whenever I get home I’m so brain dead and bone tired that all I want to do is veg out in front of the television or lose myself in a book. Cooking, enjoying my hobbies or cleaning just don’t have enough appeal to encourage me to “un-veg” out. Getting out of the house and meeting friends isn’t an option either for a number of reasons. I’m also finding that online socializing ultimately leaves me feeling dissatisfied – like eating a candy bar or fast food meal when you’re really hungry. Having already left FB, I’m also considering avoiding the instant messenger type programs I’ve been using.

The dearth of bookstores in my area makes this situation even worse. In the past when I’ve needed a mental health break I could also head over to a bookstore and lose myself for a few hours. The nearest bookstore is over 30-40 minutes away and with the price of gas today is just not worth the trip unless I know I will buy something.

In addition to the stress family responsibilities have pushed on me, I’ve decided to take another stab at deleting wheat from my diet. For a variety of health reasons, I have come to realize that wheat products are wreaking havoc with my system. The best way to fix these problems is to eliminate wheat. On an intellectual level, I know this. My taste buds or physical cravings have other ideas in mind. A friend has also recently been forced to give up wheat and sugar and has had wonderful results. She’s been supporting and encouraging me to re-commit to removing these things from my diet. It’s really not easy (it’s amazing how much food has wheat of some type in it). Luckily I found two books that rely on nut flours and other gluten-free, sugar-free items to make tasty treats. I’ve already tried a few recipes and they’re great.

I hate when I know something is in my best interests but still resist making the change. Once again my stubborn streak rears its ugly head and I dig in my heels. Being told what to do is something else that triggers a knee-jerk defiant reaction. It guess it’s time to grow up and just accept that certain things are out of my control and focus on the things I can control that will improve my life. So far stubbornness hasn’t been helping much.

4 thoughts on “What is coming into being in my life right now? Judgment R (Bohemian Gothic & Vampire)

  1. I don’t drive and have no bookstores either, so I browse the library OPAC (online public access catalogue) and often put holds on things.

    I also browse Amazon and then place inter-library loans for books. As long as the book was published over a year ago, they can ILLO it for you. I’ve ordered a lot of good biographies that way.

    I would go crazy without books. Well, crazier. 😉


    • Ooh I shall have to check out this OPAC. I’ve never heard of them before.

      I do the same thing on Amazon. Thank goodness for interlibrary loans and electronic libraries, it helps keep the crazies away.


  2. As long as your library is automated (i.e. computerized) they will have an OPAC.

    Most libraries also subscribe to several reference resources, periodicals etc. We use the Gale Virtual Reference Library which has encyclopedias and almanacs etc. My library has stuff from Consumer Reports and resources for Health and Home Improvement. They also have a Craft Corner resource where you can look up crafts to make and they have tutorials and videos. There is a culinary resource which has major cooking and nutrition magazines.

    Most have eBooks now and if you have an eReader that is supported by your library you can reserve and download eBooks for a specific borrowing period. If you can’t get out, it’s like a bookstore experience, although reserving does have wait periods for popular books.

    I also use the OPAC to renew my books and search other branches and put stuff on hold. You can also reserve DVDS and audio books or music if your library has it. I don’t know how many branches your library has or if they allow you to link to other databases but it’s worth looking into.

    Your particular library should have its own website with all the information and links. Do a Google search for them. If you have branches, their holdings will all be on the one online public access catalogue.

    They usually have bestseller lists from around the country to consult and your library probably has a database for new books, so you can consult that and reserve books as they show up there.

    Honestly Debbie, it is marvelous when you are stuck at home.


    • Oh d’uh! I completely misunderstood what you wrote Judith. I was thinking OPAC was an additional resource (besides my library’s online database) for browsing ebooks or something.

      I frequently browse their online database and reserve books from my local library (thank goodness for inter-library loans). I find the ebook database great too. It’s amazing how many books are available (although, of course not all the ones I’d like ;D)

      My local library is one of the only ways to get my book fix when it hits. It may not totally hit the spot but it goes a long way towards taking the edge off.


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