Traditionally Judgment represents a time of returning to the light after experiencing the darkness. It is a card of rebirth, renewal and rejuvenation; of healing and transformation. It can also be seen as a wake-up call telling us that our perspective on life is about to change and wake us up to new ways of looking at things. It may represent experiencing natural growth and maturation; an old phase of your life ending because you are ready and mature enough to move forward. Things are maturing at their natural pace and now you are transitioning into a new phase of your life so it’s time to celebrate.

“Anger at being forced to change your life totally. Clinging to old ways though better things are on offer. Being dragged “kicking and screaming” to starting anew. A forced move or even an emigration that isn’t desired.” – Bohemian Gothic LWB

Yeah, I think this about sums it up – being forced into changes with which I’m not thrilled’ being dragged “kicking and screaming” to starting anew. I’ve never been a big fan of change – I’m a fixed sun sign and that apparently manifests itself in my day to day life. I also dislike the feeling of not being in control of things, even when I know intellectually that it’s inevitable. Stubborn is probably quite an accurate description of my personality in this area.

I am trying to find the positive aspects of these changes but the most challenging part is the lack of free time; of me time. Whenever I get home I’m so brain dead and bone tired that all I want to do is veg out in front of the television or lose myself in a book. Cooking, enjoying my hobbies or cleaning just don’t have enough appeal to encourage me to “un-veg” out. Getting out of the house and meeting friends isn’t an option either for a number of reasons. I’m also finding that online socializing ultimately leaves me feeling dissatisfied – like eating a candy bar or fast food meal when you’re really hungry. Having already left FB, I’m also considering avoiding the instant messenger type programs I’ve been using.

The dearth of bookstores in my area makes this situation even worse. In the past when I’ve needed a mental health break I could also head over to a bookstore and lose myself for a few hours. The nearest bookstore is over 30-40 minutes away and with the price of gas today is just not worth the trip unless I know I will buy something.

In addition to the stress family responsibilities have pushed on me, I’ve decided to take another stab at deleting wheat from my diet. For a variety of health reasons, I have come to realize that wheat products are wreaking havoc with my system. The best way to fix these problems is to eliminate wheat. On an intellectual level, I know this. My taste buds or physical cravings have other ideas in mind. A friend has also recently been forced to give up wheat and sugar and has had wonderful results. She’s been supporting and encouraging me to re-commit to removing these things from my diet. It’s really not easy (it’s amazing how much food has wheat of some type in it). Luckily I found two books that rely on nut flours and other gluten-free, sugar-free items to make tasty treats. I’ve already tried a few recipes and they’re great.

I hate when I know something is in my best interests but still resist making the change. Once again my stubborn streak rears its ugly head and I dig in my heels. Being told what to do is something else that triggers a knee-jerk defiant reaction. It guess it’s time to grow up and just accept that certain things are out of my control and focus on the things I can control that will improve my life. So far stubbornness hasn’t been helping much.