Feeling a bit listless and non-juicy

I think I’m feeling a bit under siege right now.  My time is simply not my own and I’m not dealing with it well.  I also feel directionless and the longer I feel the way, the less I feel any urgent need to change things.  That’s not good and it’s certainly not my usual approach to things.  I can be disorganized and sometimes lazy but I’m rarely passive.  I detest being passive; it makes me feel too much like a victim.  I’ve had enough of that feeling in my life so I need to figure out how to move passed this.

The Mystic Dreamer 8 of Wands shows a woman kneeling at the water’s edge as 8 wands are flying towards her.  She look looking in the other direction and appears unaware of the wands.  In the distance a small white object is visible.  It reminds me of a ship sailing towards her.  The Mansions of the Moon 8 of Wands shows a woman blowing bubbles.  Each bubble holds a something wondrous – a castle, a unicorn, a butterfly.  It’s as though she is taking the energy created by the 8 Wands surrounding her and releasing back to the Universe.  That appeals to me.  The image on the Mystic Dreamer card makes me feel under attack almost.  It’s as though the Universe is throwing things at me and there’s nothing I can do to stop it, change it or embrace it because I don’t even see it coming.  The Mansions of the Moon 8 of Wands is a bit more active; she’s taking the situation and transforming it to suit her needs and inclinations.  And I think that is what I need to do for myself right now.  Instead of just waiting for things and then reacting to them, I need to get more assertive and aggressive in pursuing what I want.  Of course that would require work and right now I’m in a clear energy lull.  I’m letting myself get sucked into a pit of despair and I hate it.

The Ace of Pentacles offers the insight that perhaps I need to start looking beneath the surface at what seeds need to be planted in order to manifest the reality I want.  Both images look like seeds germinating under ground.  They will eventually burst forth in verdant growth but first they need to be carefully tended and nurtured.  That is where I always stumble.  I’m sometimes impatient and not good at tending my own garden.  Eventually some beautiful things may burst forth but it tends to be haphazard with a lot of weeds thrown in for good measure.  I love some weeds so I don’t see the need to pull them all out but I’d still like my plants to bloom and flourish.  In order for that to happen I have to do some work.  Ick!  I am feeling very resistant to that right now and I know why – because if I never do the work then I always have the potential for success but if I do the work and fail that would be upsetting.

I have a bad habit of focusing my energies on things which come easy to me such as academics.  Which makes sense why I’ve drawn the King of Sword reversed three times this month.  The Universe is telling me that I’ve already achieved mastery in that area (literally – I have two masters degrees) and it’s time to explore new territory, to chart unfamiliar terrain.  I just need to take that first step.  I know I will eventually become impatient and aggravated enough with myself to move forward.  Right now I’m just sort of stuck in neutral and bellyaching that the car won’t move.

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