I had an “aha” moment yesterday.  I have been woefully remiss in updating my blog, for a variety of reasons.  The primary reason is that I just haven’t felt inspired.  In fact, I’ve felt rather stifled and blocked lately.  Yesterday while I was at the psychic fair in Goshen I decided to pull additional cards to clarify an issue.  On Thursday I asked “What is wrong with me?” to determine why I have been feeling this way.  I drew the King of Swords.  Usually I understand when the King of Swords appears for me but this time I was stymied.  When I mentioned this to a Tarot buddy she asked if I had pulled more cards for clarification and my response was “D’oh – I never thought of that!”

So while waiting for some curious and adventurous customers to wander into the fair, I decided to pull additional cards for clarification.  I drew The Hanged Man reversed, the Princess of Swords and the 4 of Swords.  The final card, in response to my query “where do I need to be now”, was the King of Pentacles.  I laid the cards out so the King of Swords was the first card, followed by the next three in a row with the King of Pentacles below them forming a cross.  This enabled me to look at the cards across in a row and down in a column.  Seeing them this way clarified a number of things for me.  One of my biggest challenges in life and especially when it comes to Tarot is that I live in my head.  I approach things from a very cerebral, intellectual, left-brained approach.  I live in my head and tend to think about things for a long time before actually doing them.  As one might imagine, this tripe me up every time.  I end up spending so much time in pursuit of “credentials” and legitimacy that I end up not spending time doing what I actually enjoy.  I think that is what this reading was telling me.  It’s time to stop thinking about it so much and start doing things; to be more right-brained and less left-brained.

I used the fabulous Transformational Tarot by Arnell Ando for my initial reading and then decided to pull the matching cards from my newly acquired Vision Tarot by Dirk Gillabel.  Both of these decks gave me insights from a different perspective and combined they helped me clarify a number of issues.  One of the things I realized is that in my efforts to actually work with a wide number of the different decks I own, I find myself working with decks that don’t resonate with me.  I can appreciate and enjoy the different perspectives and views that different decks provide but sometimes a deck just doesn’t work for me.  Instead of accepting that and moving forward, I would try to force myself to work with a deck.  As a result my Tarot work would stall.  Instead of learning something new from the deck, I would just avoid using it at all.  So it occurred to me that this was my King of Swords desire to approach such things from a rational and logical perspective trying to force things into a paradigm which didn’t’ work with my soul.  So I will continue to work with different decks but rather than creating a list and rigidly following it, I will allow myself to select decks based on what I feel drawn to and want to work with for that month.

It’s a small step but at least I feel I’m moving in the right direction.  Of course now I need to weed through all those Tarot decks and find new homes for the ones that really don’t resonate with me.  It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to them.  My acquisitive nature needs to reined in a bit and I’m running out of space.