For some reason today I am feeling quite restored and healed on a spiritual level. For the past few days I’ve been in a moody, lousy, depressed funk. It ebbed and flowed like the tide and I had no clear idea what triggered it. My life, while challenging and sometimes exhausting, is far from miserable. I realized that part of the problem was that I needed to change my perceptions. I’m not going to go all New Age here (because that’s really not my thing) but I have to admit that there is some truth to the statement that you can’t always change your circumstances but you can change how you face them. The problem wasn’t that my life had become so dramatically different in the past few days or weeks, it’s that I was focusing on the negative.
I let myself get caught up in my own drama and was preparing quite a nice pity party for myself. I can host pity parties like nobodies business. Then at 3AM while searching for meaning in various Tarot books, I had an epiphany (which I already shared in my COTD essay on Tuesday). Something about the mind-shift or metanoia (as I remember a former religion teacher explained means “a transformative change of heart”) left me feeling renewed and cleansed. It was as though a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders and allowed me to return to my usual bubbly, extroverted, opinionated self. I don’t like feeling down, depressed or sulky. As I have joked on numerous occasions, I have no use for depression in my life because depression is often defined as anger turned inward and I’m very comfortable turning my anger outwards. Of course in the current situation there was no outlet for that anger and frustration. It is rightly aimed at the Fates, destiny, the Norns, Wyrd – whatever you choose to call it. The reality is that a number of decisions made years ago by my in-laws has led to this pass and since I cannot change the past, there is nothing I can do to change the situation. What I can change is how I handle it and taking steps to improve it. Once I was able to accept that on a deep, spiritual level, I was able to let go of the anger and depression.
It is really amazing that I drew this card today because in some respects I have felt like the lone figure wandering through the woods on the Wildwood Pole Star. Only instead of looking up at the night sky for guidance and enlightenment, I’m seeking it within myself. The forest I’m wandering through is my own tangle of self-doubts, frustration and confusion. My own lack of clarity about many things was leading me deeper and deeper into the thicket of briars but now I think I’m back in the clear. I think the healing waters being poured out by the woman on the DruidCraft Star are spilling through my soul and helping cleanse and heal whatever they touch. I’m not usually comfortable sharing this level of anything online but today I’m feeling so cheerful that I just need to let the world know. I’m sure by tomorrow I’ll be back to my snarky self.