Looking at the confident, almost arrogant, and smirking countenance of the mounted figure on the DruidCraft Prince of Wands I was struck by the sense of energy and enthusiasm he exudes. That is something I need to generate in my own life – confidence, energy and enthusiasm. I am feeling so worn out and exhausted lately that it feels impossible to become enthusiastic or excited about anything. It’s as if I’m a candle sputtering in the wind and at risk of blowing out. The fox on the Knight of Bows card brings to mind a sense of being hunted and unable to hide or run to ground. It’s as though all the responsibilities and obligations I have are chasing me, wearing me out and moving in for the kill. I’m not sure how much longer I can stay ahead of them.
Of course I think this card also has the solution to this issue. If I wish to feel more energized, enthusiastic, confident and in control I need to start acting that way. And the first step is to start exploring my inner self and reconnecting with what I really love doing and what brings passion into my life. What lets me feel creative and enthused on a daily basis? On some level I am so disconnected from myself that I have no idea. There are things I enjoy but am not sure how to make them sources of income. I am not creative in the sense that I can draw, paint, knit, sew, sing or dance. Don’t misunderstand me, I love singing and dancing but do not have the necessary skill or body to receive payment for either. I am a fairly decent writer. I do not flatter myself that I am the best writer in the world but I do believe I am good. However I do not feel the urge to write a book and I’m not sure I have the discipline to do so. Of course if I can find a way to earn some money as a freelance writer, that might prove to be an option. It is something to explore.
I am also quite a good teacher/trainer. Given the proper subject, I can wax enthusiastic and sweep others along with me. So that is definitely an option I need to explore more aggressively. I’ve always thought I would make an excellent college professor. And of course I can start marketing myself more as a professional Tarot reader. I have the skills and knowledge to be a good reader but the marketing and promotional aspect just elude me. Well that’s not completely accurate – I understand the need to do these things but find it difficult to promote myself in such a way. On some level I still fail to understand why anyone would want to pay ME for a Tarot reading. This says more about my self-confidence and self-esteem than anything else.
So to help myself move beyond this block, I have decided to use some of the techniques outlined by James Wells in his wonderful Tarot for Manifestation as well as work on Nina Lee Braden’s Tarot for Self-Discovery exercises. I think both will help me reconnect with my creative spark. And I’m determined to complete my ADF Dedicant Program. This will help me reconnect with my spiritual spark and get myself into a more regular spiritual practice which will help me deal with all these situations without losing my mind.